whew... tjcco concert juz over...
life's good...
i played my best for today's concerto but sad to say it's not mistakeless, not perfect. anyway is it fair to use the word 'perfect' to justify music?
on the whole, i'm quite pleased with my performance... hehe... my fren said i sound like a conglomerate of oboe and suona... suppose tat's gd? hehe...
well, at least i cleared my suona... so now's it's back to my oboe! major exams coming up!!! argh...
music is my life, my life's juz music...
thank you all who supported me on 30th may 2004! =)

What is it tat we as humans truly seeK?
sigh... a week ago, the Me, is beaming with lots and lots of hope. sigh... back then, it feels really good to be immensed in love again, but thinking back, i wish i hadnt like someone again. the problem lies with me. i'm am such a stupid possessive idiot. i cant do without not seeing tat girl for a day. sigh... this is bad... but seriously i'm trying to control... to forget all this. coz i know this is gonna affect me seriously, perhaps my slow movements will be played better.
but ultimately, i still wana fall in love. there's absolutely nothing tat can be compared to tat extraordinary feeling... life juz feels good with someone u love, knowing tat that person likes u too... but guess i'm not fated to experience tat now...
do i lack determination? seriously, it's not tat i dun wana persevere. it's coz i dun like to force pple into doing things they dun like. say, if i ask juz once, to date this girl and she rejects me, it really takes much courage and effort by me to ask it again. coz the feeling of rejection, of failing, is so bitter and i dun experience it anywhere b4... sigh... tat is really a bad thing...
sigh... wat can i do but juz sigh and sigh.... god knows wat's in ur head...

cant sleep... thinking of someone... i quote Celine Dion - A New Day has Come! ^_^

sigh... it's been sometime since i had time to blog... anyway time's really zooming by real fast.. it's gonna be may soon... may 30 is coming... tat's when i gonna play liang shan for the 2nd time. but this time it's gonna be different. i've so many things to prove... so many things to concentrate on... so little time... sigh.... plus all my other commitments like my oboe... sigh... i juz hope i have a bit of luck and can play through the whole thing without a single mistake... other than tat, playing with feelings is an option... but i shall try and fulfill it... sigh...
anyway real tired these days.... real missing her though i say i dun... wassup with me? putting on a brave front i guess.... sigh... love hurts, life sux...

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today's a fantastic day...! well, for once life felt great... anyway i must must must really thank all those tat made my b day such awonderful day... 1st, for all my cg frenz... all those crazy guys out there like Brian, Kai leong, Dan the man, yadong, Tan Hong Gan, Anbu, Selina, Pooty Poh ning, and the 5 Female girls (F5) for wishing me happy b day in the audi this morning. Anyway my cg mates, together with my other ngee ann frenz like Miao Xin, FengFu and Jian Hao all took part in the celebration during lunch time. Dunno whether is it these guys r creative or wat but they actually substituted a watermelon as a cake! they even used those silken tofu which u can get from markets for making soups, to squeeze out my name. Boy, they sure are crazy. oh well, lucky they didnt make me eat too disgusting stuff so i guess they do have a compassionate heart after all. My cg mates gave me a 2 pairs of boxers! wah... damn cool man..coz one of it is based on mahjong and the other poker cards. haha... well wat to do? these guys know tat i'm a avid gambler. haha... well, i was also forced to eat almost half of a watermelon. luckily they didnt force it down my throat literally. at least they helped me clear up the remnants of the half of the watermelon... man! tat's food u noe... how can we ever waste food! somemore it's watermelon! so nice!
Then was music lesson. At least these people were more kind. they presented me with a coffee cake! tat's kinda sweet of them even though the cake is not tat big for everyone to eat a reasonable full share! especially kan kan! ahaha... well at least i'm not the only loner in the mep class tat eats like crazy.. haha.. at least someone shares my passion for eating... well, the cake's nice to eat.. life's good... hahaha.... at least for the moment.
Then again, sad to say, sigh, she didnt give me anything... she forgot it! well, either she's damn forgetful or she juz cant be bothered. sigh... i told her like wat, last week? and she tell me tat she forgot abt it. ok, well, i anticipated tat such a thing will happen. anyway wat's new? sigh... it's all foolishness and one sided on my part... but then again, y give excuses for urself... sigh... she makes herself to be so good, so kind, so frenly... but then again, having known her for some time, i think she's tat type tat treats pple well only if she admires tat person... sigh... isnt tat called conditional frenship? i think she juz doesnt care abt her frenz, well, at least not those tat r merely her acquaintances. She only come find and talk to me when she has problems. but when i have my ownfair share of problems, i dun approachher. and even if i do tell her, i guez it's not gonna help. i mean, wat can she do? she cant provide a listening ear... she has a tremendously short attention span. sigh...... sometimes i feel extremely terrible for all this pain tat i'm subjecting myself to... but then again, some times, she juz pops up in my mind and have such a strong impact on me tat i juz find myself attracted to her time and again. though the things i mentioned abov r kinda harsh, but i guez it's the cold hard truth. juz like how hurting rejection is, these words may be so to her... sigh...
Anyway life goes on... for a moment i'm diverted from all these sad stuff... thankfully i have a large group of frenz behind me to support me and be there for me, even if it's for playing bridge, for teasing and making a fool out of me, or being suaned by me. these r the pple tat truly makes a difference. thanks everyone!

hmm... today's a nice day! but then again, not too nice... well, at least casteels did the firebird pretty well... at least it has showed me tat stravinsky has composed another excellent work. initiallly i tot the firebird was a super sianz piece coz i was listening to the full ballet. tat was really abt quiet quiet stuff tat juz bores me to slp? well at least the reduced version is nice coz the explosive part is not too long later. it's quite nice but given a choice i'd like to play the full version... well, tat's contradicting isnt it?
well i juz went out shopping for a mp3/cd/radio player. well, it's nice to have such techy stutt especially when these music playing device is so impt to me. hehe... but seriously wat i really want is a loree royal professional/conservatoire oboe... sigh.. tat's like how many 10X more expensive than the cd player. so i guess now tat i gonna be 18, i gonna play 4D! so i can win that $8000 to buy me more oboe... sigh... y muz instruments be so expensive? y dun they come in instalments? sigh...
hmm... today's pretty much a boring day though... well, at least may is coming as we speak.. i cant think of all the exciting things tat's gonna happen in may... in the very least i have to concerts to attend, and 2 performances to perform.. yucks... i pray i dun screw up... in case u didnt noe, i freak out easily... sigh... big in size but when it comes to stage fright management, i'm poor at it! help me! argh... dun wana screw up my recitals again...
so bye for now... oh... and my blog has some alignment problems? oh.. wat the hell... hehe... look at my face, do i seem to care? :-P